The Phrases from My Father That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who still hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a break - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."