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I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner walked away, which came as a huge shock. Many of her social circle drifted away at that point, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, and must have understood better what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us retired so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I start subjects but she shifts them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been planning a holiday to a country I've visited many times and resided in previously. My intention was to offer advice, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially just desired me to confirm her choices. I've just returned from four weeks in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially is to state what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how the two of you will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be successful in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject all you say, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a story about themselves they cannot abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult because there's no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present like this and then think your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have peace from having been truthful.